The DamnFine10: Oct. 13, 2009

Two big SEC games helped remake the top of the list. Both, unfortunately, were about as fun to look at as the Denver Broncos’ throwback uniforms.

1. Alabama
W: vs. Va Tech, Fla. Intl., N. Texas, Arkansas, @Kentucky, @Ole Miss
We still think the Tide’s body of work puts it a shade above Florida. Win at Ole Miss wasn’t as good as Gators’ win at LSU, but Bama also has the Virginia Tech scalp. And by the way, why does Bama have an elephant for a mascot? Is it the “Tusk”-aloosa thing, or is it just all the Republicans?

2. Florida
W: Charleston Southern, Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky, @LSU
Florida finally played somebody, and the Gators won. SEC Championship Game rematch could again end up being de facto national championship game. Still not sure why LSU couldn’t figure out that TEBOW WASN’T GOING TO KEEP THE BALL, but, hey, that’s for the X-and-O geniuses to figure out. We think perhaps Tebow used his whirly messiah eyes to hyp-no-tize the Tiger line into thinking maybe, just maybe, JHT might keep it this time. They probably all went to a nice evangelical Christian church the next morning, too.

3. Iowa
W: Northern Iowa, @Iowa St., Arizona, @Penn St., Arkansas St., Michigan
We thought the Florida-LSU game would be a far more entertaining Saturday night offering than Michigan-Iowa. Wrong again. All these close games will eventually catch up with the Hawkeyes, we think -- although they play in the crappy Big 10, so maybe not. QB Stanzi seems capable of playing down to just about anybody’s level, though.

3. Cincinnati
W: @Rutgers, SE Missouri St., @Oregon St., Fresno State, @Miami (OH)
Didn’t do a damn thing last week, but they didn’t lose. Now they must prove themselves against another suspect undefeated team. That’s what passes for drama these days.

4. Boise State
W: Oregon, Miami (OH), @Fresno St., @Bowling Green, UC Davis
Ditto. The seething cauldron of hate that is Tulsa’s home stadium awaits. OK, that just didn’t sound right.

5. Virginia Tech
W: Marshall, Nebraska, Miami (FL), @Duke, Boston College
L: vs. Alabama
OK, it was a cozy home game, and, OK, BC wasn’t supposed to be a powerhouse, but sweet Jesus. The Hokies looked like they were playing the cast of “Glee” out there. Game at Georgia Tech may be the best we get out of the ACC this year.

6. LSU
W: @Washington, Vandy, La-Lafayette, @Miss. St., @Georgia
L: Florida
We know Florida has a good defense, but LSU’s offense was more than a little underwhelming. Coach Ballcap better figure that out or there will be more close losses.

7. TCU
W: @Virginia, Texas St., @Clemson, Southern Methodist, @Air Force
We’re not just keeping TCU in here for Dan Jenkins’ sake. But if ever there were a worthy cause. We would pay good money to read a Dan Jenkins TCU national championship column.

8. USC
W: San Jose St., @Ohio St., Washington St., @California
L: @Washington
Whipping Cal in Berkeley (dirty hippies!) helps dull the memory of that horrible loss in Seattle (more dirty hippies!). A little. Also proves Trojans can beat a team without “State” in its name.

9. Nebraska
W: Florida Atlantic, Arkansas St., La-Lafayette, @Missouri
L: @Virginia Tech
We were going to give this spot to Kansas, but the more undefeated the Jayhawks get, the worse they look, their narrow home escape from putrid Iowa State being the lastest example. Nebraska’s last-second loss at Virginia Tech looks better than any of Kansas’ wins. Cornhuskers’ win on a miserable night at Mizzou puts them No. 1 in the Weather Channel poll.

10. Miami
W: @Fla. St., Ga. Tech, Oklahoma, Florida A&M
L: @ Va. Tech
Took a break from reasonably challenging schedule to crap on Florida A&M. Terrific, but what have you done for us lately?


Undefeated teams ought to play somebody: Texas, Kansas
Undefeated teams that had the misfortune to win at Tallahassee during Florida State’s Season of the Apocalypse: South Florida
One-loss Big 10 teams that just aren’t doing it for us yet: Ohio State, Penn State
Teams that we can no longer see because we gouged our eyes out after witnessing their horrific season opener: Oregon