Man, that was a long Sunday, wasn't it? When the NFL pulls its crack off the street, there's nothing else that can get you to that happy place. Early conference games in college basketball? We'll pass. Another day in the death marches that are the NBA and NHL regular seasons? Yeah, right. Australian Open? Bonus points for the mini-riot, but no, no, no.
Next year the league will give us the Pro Bowl on the weekend before the Super Bowl. I guess that's like methadone. No, wait, methadone is what heroin addicts get. Which drug are we on again?
Rather that begging for table scraps from the NFL, or pretending that some other meager sporting event will substitute for postseason pro football, maybe we ought to (prepare yourself) think outside sports and come up with something on our own.
You know how they designate a day to change your smoke alarm batteries (or as we like to say, a day to force your kids to change the smoke alarm batteries)? Let's make the Sunday before the Super Bowl stand for something. Here's my suggestion.
Make it sort of a spiritual free agency day. If you've been a Baptist all your life, go to a Methodist church, or a Catholic church. If you're a Presbyterian, go to a mosque. If you've spent most of your life in church, stay home. Pick one, as long as it's not your own. (And we know not everybody worships on Sunday -- we're looking at you, our Jewish friends -- so everybody should be flexible, plan accordingly and all that stuff.)
Perhaps it will open eyes, join hearts, make the world a better place. Or perhaps it will produce a riot that will put the Australian Open to shame. I've got all my money on the latter, but perhaps the human race can pull off the upset.
Either way, it's better than sitting around watching the Bob Hope Classic and hoping it transforms before your eyes into an NFC semifinal. We tried it -- it doesn't work.
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