Because the NFL has a playoff system to determine its best team (what a concept!), ranking the best teams is kind of pointless. There’s no playoff to see who sucks the hardest, though, which makes the CrackStaff CrapTastic5 a stark necessity. We rank ’em as we see ’em; continuity with any previous list is not high on our list.
5. Detroit Lions
We don’t kick puppies or trip blind people -- we’re just like that. So because the Lions are fresh off a season so wretched that it scarred anybody associated with the franchise and just about anybody who was sentenced to watch them play, we tried to keep Detroit off the list. And they gave it a good go down in New Orleans. But when you give up 2,400 total yards and 73 TD passes, even to Drew Brees, you’ve earned your way on. (OK, we made up those numbers, but it was almost that bad.)
4. Denver Broncos/Cincinnati Bengals
Broncos required a play drawn up by Mary herself to beat the Bengals, and the Bengals got beat by it, so that put them in a tie (and nearly put Gus Johnson in the hospital). What’s Brandon Stokley going to do this week, release a plague of locusts on the Browns?
3. Cleveland Browns
Maybe he won’t have to. The Browns allowed Brett Favre to show his prowess at handing off to Adrian Peterson (couldn’t Tavaris Jackson have done that?) and gave up 24 straight points in the second half.
2. Houston Texans
Every rookie QB should get a first game like Mark Sanchez got against the Texans. If Sanchez totally blows after this, he has only the Texans to blame for the high expectations.
1. Carolina Panthers
QB Jake Delhomme coughed up more balls than a pachinko machine against the Eagles, including four interceptions and a fumble that went for a touchdown. (At least he was efficient -- he accomplished all that without even making it to the end of the third quarter.) This comes after a similar effort(?) against the Cardinals in the harsh spotlight of the playoffs last season. The Panthers’ owner got a heart transplant in the offseason. Perhaps the team should have done the same?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment