Day late, dollar short: Why everyone hates Brett Favre

We woke up this morning and discovered to our disappointment that:

1. Lady GaGa is still considered a musician, and is getting paid for it.
2. Those patches of dirt in the yard where we keep hoping grass will grow? Still dirt.
3. Brett Favre is still in the NFL.

The first two we can't really dwell upon. They are decisions made by nature or a vengeful God, and there's not much we can do but sit back and suffer the consequences.

But the Favre thing bothers us because a couple of years ago, we didn't hold much against the guy. We're not Packers fans (green and yellow belongs in cornfields, not on people), so we don't have to join in the ritualistic love/hate exercise going on in Green Bay these days.

So what is it? We know we're not the only ones feeling some malice for the old guy, who's only doing what we American males have a right to do, which is squeeze every dollar out of the talent that we have before we go off to fish, take ED drugs, play golf and die.

We think it may be because America hates the wishy-washy. If you go back through U.S. history, you don't find a lot of famous slogans along the lines of "Give me liberty or give me death, or you can torture me a little (but nothing too gruesome) and then maybe just some liberty, like house arrest maybe, and, oh, can I have a grilled cheese and a pint of ale while I'm deciding?"

We like the decisive, especially in our male personalities. When Karl Rove wanted to smear John Kerry (besides lying about his war record) in the 2004 campaign, he painted him as a flip-flopper (which he was -- that was one of Karl's easier assignments). Changing your mind a lot is seen as, well, less than manly. When John Wayne decided it was time to kill the bad guys, he killed the bad guys. He didn't sit and ponder whether he should have gone into stagecoach driving instead.

So if Favre had decided a couple of years ago to keep playing or retire, but to do one or the other and shut up, we'd be fine. There might be the Jordan argument, that the American sporting public should be spared the pain of watching a formerly great player perform at a lower level later in his career. But that, of course, is a load of crap -- great players, more than anybody else, have earned the right to keep playing even when they're only average.

Instead, strong, rugged Brett was reduced to looking weak and indecisive. Geez, Lady Gaga wouldn't have hemmed and hawed her way through two offseasons. She would have strapped on her Kermit the Frog doll dress and gone out and done the job, whatever it was, unhindered by the fact that she can't sing, write a decent song or talk about anything other than herself.

Maybe the Raiders should give her a shot.